99
by Inclinant
Summary: We run blind in the pursuit of happiness. If one day, I wander too far and cannot come back…please remove all those memories from me, so that I will be always by your side. America x Canada. Post Apocalypse AU. Warning: Memory loss, drugs.


**A/N: **Okay, so Forever and A Day was pretty much getting nowhere, and rather than letting the fic rot in permanent hiatus on my profile, which I immensely dislike, I've decided to take it down, and post up the first two, more popular one shots. It may be resumed in the not so foreseeable future, but that is debatable. Hence, I'll just be leaving 33 and 99 up on my page. I'm really sorry for all the trouble caused.

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><p><strong>99<strong>

We run blind in the pursuit of happiness.

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><p><em>Fala fala fala falala la<em>

_Nine bells swinging on a tree branch_

_Fala fala falala la_

_Bring me happiness_

_Bring me joy_

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><p><em>"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and <em>_the pursuit of happiness.__"_

_- Declaration of Independence of the United States of America_

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><p>Matthew trudged through the deep snow, pulling the collar of his beige overcoat up around his neck to ward off the bitterly cold wind. He shivered. Even though he was used to the cold, this cold…<p>

It felt as if it were piercing through his very bones. The howling wind tore through the icy wasteland mercilessly. It was a scene out of a nightmare; a hell in itself that had been predicted so long ago yet never prevented. Matthew sighed. Despite all the time that had passed, he still didn't, and would never understand, how things had turned this way.

_Soon…._It would only be a little while longer before it would all change. Matthew bit his lip uncertainly. That was what he hoped, at least. He had been trying for so long already, despite the experiments failing again and again. The only success was stored away in a precious box tucked deeply in his jacket for fear that the everlasting winter would steal it away from him. _Soon…I will create a world of beauty for your first memory._

Spring would come soon.

Silently, he continued up the small dirt path flanked by towering snowy embankments to the small cottage. Though small, it was a homely and well furbished house that he used occasionally when he felt like he needed a break from the world. Its remoteness had made it a refreshing holiday house in the past. It was a place where he could run from the world. And when the world went to hell, this was the only escape he had left.

"Al? I'm back…" Matthew removed his overcoat as he stepped into the house and hung it up by the door. He walked slowly deeper inside the house, wondering where his brother was. "Al…? Where…Oh!"

"Um I…" Alfred shuffled sheepishly, his eyes refusing to meet Matthew's. Matthew frowned, a tiny tendril of fear gripping his heart slightly. His brother was normally so energetic and overjoyed in welcoming him home so… _Could it be…? No, not so fast! Not yet!_

"What happened? Did something happen while I was outside? Are you hurt?"

"No I…I…" Alfred hung his head guilty, bright cerulean eyes pinned to the floor." I tried to cook some pancakes for you but I…"

Matthew blinked, confused. Did Alfred accidently burn something? If that was all, it was nothing big right? So why was his brother acting like…

"I…kind of…burned down the…kitchen?"

Matthew stared at his brother in disbelief, then his mind registered what Alfred had just said and rushed to the kitchen only to stumble out, coughing and sputtering from the smoke. Thankfully, the whole kitchen hadn't burnt down. On the completely blackened and soot covered stove, stood a sadly burnt pan and the smoking remains of what could've once been a pancake in it.

Alfred had trailed uncertainly behind Matthew during his mad rush to the kitchen and was now nervously looking at his feet.

"Um…" He started, then gasped as Matthew simply enveloped him in a tight hug.

"Thank goodness you're alright."

"You're not mad at me?"

"Of course not!" Matthew chuckled as he released his brother. He continued to smile but his voice faltered ever so slightly. "Just…please, don't try something like that again…alright?"

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><p><span>I cannot lose you…again.<span>

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><p>Matthew had managed to get the old, portable stove back running again after he had dragged the miserable thing out of the storeroom. It was rather temperamental but soon settled to grumpily supporting a spluttering flame. With practiced ease, he was soon churning out several fat stacks of fluffy golden pancakes drizzled with glittering amber maple syrup from his own special stash.<p>

"Al? The pancakes are ready!" He called out, setting the two plates laden with the aromatic pancakes onto the table. He heard Alfred whoop from some corner of the house and rapid footsteps as his brother rushed over.

"Yay!" Alfred beamed as he dove for a chair. Matthew swerved out of his brother's path and shook his head, although there was a fond smile on his face. He settled into the chair next to his brother and proceeded to watch him contently.

Reaching up, Matthew gently ran a hand through his brother's bright sun-ripened hair, a dark look flickering across his face as his fingers brushed across the rough, cold metallic inputs. They were already covered by Alfred's hair, which was growing longer and longer by the day but Matthew could never bring himself to cut it. Each time he tried…it had reminded him too much of that time and he would be unable to grip the scissors anymore.

Alfred glanced up at him quizzically, his bright cerulean eyes shining in curiosity. Matthew smiled and let his hand drop. "Al, don't eat so fast, you'll choke."

He flinched inwardly at how he sounded. His brother nodded and turned to the plate before him, neatly cutting up and placing each piece of the fluffy pancakes into his mouth, the way Matthew had taught him to. Matthew smiled, although his eyes thinly veiled the sadness in his gaze. In the past, his brother would have probably gobbled down the pancakes in one go.

_The past…_ It didn't exist anymore.

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><p><span>What happens…when you forget everything?<span>

Can I live with you having no memory of me?

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><p><em>We are doing this for the people, we are giving them the ultimate freedom, the ultimate democracy. We are giving the people, <em>our _people, the freedom to choose everything. Everything that we do is by the will of the people. Choice, freedom, liberty, democracy…is this not what you want to be? Is this not what you set out to be, Ameri-_

Alfred awoke with a start, eyes wide and trembling in cold sweat. He gasped for air desperately, his hands clutching his heart that throbbed painfully. He had been having that horrible nightmare for several nights now. Just exactly what…what was that horrible, _terrible…_

_That's not true! You claim that it's for the people but…. No! This is not freedom, this will never be freedom! You're lying..! This is not true, these are my people, you cannot treat them this way..!_

Alfred hissed in pain and covered his ears with his hands as if that could drown out the voices that boomed in his pounding head in stinging flashes. What was this! What were they? Go...go away!

_This is the truth, Alfred. This is the ultimate freedom, you are just in denial. We are doing everything that is best for the country! The people are free, free to choose whatever they will. We are merely guiding them, to inform them so that they can make a better choice._

_It's okay, you'll soon see the light. _Even if you don't, you have no choice.

He cried out, falling off the bed in a tangled mess of sheets. _The voices! Someone…make them go away! _Alfred clutched his head, tears springing to his eyes at the pain that was stabbing through his mind. It felt as if electricity were still coursing through his head, as if _thousands of wires were attached to his head, invading his consciousness, manipulating his thoughts…__**his people's thoughts…**_

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><p>"Instant information, sharing of knowledge at the speed of light, incredible convenience…Just imagine how amazing it would be! And all this can be accomplished, today, with this simple chip. <span>A tiny chip that would be implanted in the consciousness of every single citizen<span> … It would be a new era of interconnectedness and information. A new era of prosperity and development! A new era of peace and **happiness!**"

-Excerpt from Mela CEO speech on the launch of _Luce_

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><p>The grandfather clock chimed midnight, the haunting tone echoing through the cold house eerily. Matthew jumped, before calming himself down and continuing to the kitchen. Shakily, he poured out a glass of water for himself, azure eyes landing on the silent blackened stove that was still sitting defiantly in the kitchen.<p>

Somehow…it was just like Alfred to cause something like this. Matthew smiled a little, then his eyes dimmed, saddened. Alfred had actually…wanted to cook something for him? His fingers tightened around the glass. Something like this had happened before, hadn't it? So long ago, when everything hadn't been like this, when everything had been different…

"_Alfred! What…" Matthew gasped as he gaped at his soot-covered brother who was brandishing a frying pan triumphantly. Alfred stood squarely in the middle of the doorway, blocking his view of the kitchen. Matthew gave up trying to peer over the other's figure to check on how his kitchen had fared and shot his brother a questioning look._

"_Hahaha!" Alfred laughed, waving the frying pan around. "Aren't you happy Mattie? You get a chance to eat an awesome breakfast prepared by the hero!"_

_He paused, then sheepishly looked away. "Or…at least that was the plan but I can't make pancakes as well as you can and I'm not as good as you in the kitchen so... You'll just have to settle for something I bought instead. But I did make sure to get you pancakes and maple-flavoured coffee!"_

_Matthew stared at Alfred. Was he serious! A small smile crept onto his face, then he couldn't help it and started laughing gently._

"_H-hey! What are you laughing at me for, I can't help being so bad in the kitchen…It's all Arthur's fault…!"_

"_No, that's not it…" Matthew looked up then leaned forward to kiss his brother lightly. "Thank you!"_

_He immediately took those words back the moment he saw the state his kitchen was in…_

Matthew smiled to himself. Everything had been different. It hadn't been perfect, but at least they had each other…and they were happy. Then it all fell apart.

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><p>"<em>This is madness, how can the United States be allowed to pursue such folly anymore? They have declared war against half the world already and now they wish to war with the other half? This will only spell the world's downfall…!"<em>

"…_Even allies do not matter to them anymore. American troops are already gathering at the border, if we do not act soon, we will be just like the United Kingdom and other countries whose foolish beliefs led to their downfall! If we do not act soon, we will be sucked up into the mad tornado and by then, everything will be too late!"_

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><p>Matthew's hand slipped on the glass. Everyone had called him a fool, for still foolishly choosing to believe in Alfred. The decision had been painful, but he had finally agreed to his government. He had even reluctantly followed the army even as they charged into the chaos of their southern neighbour, hoping to capitalize on the surprise factor and the fact that most of the American troops were across the Pacific Ocean now. All through the battlefield, he had been plagued by endless questions. Hadn't his brother said it would be a new era of peace, prosperity and happiness? Hadn't he said that they would be happy!<p>

At least that was before he had abandoned Matthew and vanished without a trace, before only appearing to coldly declare war. Matthew's eyes darkened as the memories flashed in his mind in faint black and white pictures.

He had been so confused then. How many times had he cried by himself, wondering what had went wrong, wondering why his brother was doing this…wondering if their promises had meant anything. He wondered if his brother had even loved him at all, wondered if everything had been false from the beginning.

_Was it so different now?_

Matthew shook his head, fighting to hold back the bitter tears that stung his eyes. It was in the midst of the fierce gunfire for New York that he'd finally discovered where his brother was…

And he would never forget that horrifying scene for the rest of his life.

_His brother, pale and lifeless, connected to a solemn roomful of blinking terminals by countless wires that snaked into his head. It was then that Matthew finally understood what was going on, what was horribly wrong…_

_Of course, only Alfred was capable of linking the whole country together with the Luce system. If they controlled him, they would be able to control the whole country…_

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><p><span>Freedom is also a prison in itself.<span>

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><p>Matthew sighed. His brother's words echoed in his mind once again.<p>

"_Hey Matthew…Even if the world leaves me…you will always be by my side right? Bound by land, blood and love…"_

That time, he had said yes, but in the end, he didn't believe in Alfred either right? And when he had found out the truth, it was all too late already. It had taken forever for his scientists to figure out how to properly disconnect his brother from the network, especially under the pressure from the defence forces that were seeking to reclaim the city.

By the time they had managed to free his brother…the world war had escalated to its peak and the whole world was never the same again. The winter of hell slowly destroyed the world, killing those that had not already died from the incredible radioactive fallout. When Alfred came to, their countries, like the rest of the world, were already gone.

"_Matt…What…what have I done?" Alfred's dulled eyes were distant and unseeing. His fingers trembled as they clawed at his face frantically. Matthew bit his lip in a futile attempt to hold his tears back as he tried to force his brother's hands away from his face. He couldn't bear seeing his brother like this, in such a state of shock and overwhelming guilt and horror. Why did he have to tell Alfred what had happened? Why? He should have never divulged a thing, no matter how his brother had forced him to…_

"_I am sorry…I should have believed in you even though the whole world condemned you." Matthew cried while desperately holding his brother tightly, as if fearful that he may fly away any moment now…_

Matthew's gaze darkened as he let the memories wash over him. The next day, Alfred had tried to kill himself. After the barely thwarted fourth attempt, he had made that irreversible decision.

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><p><span>Maybe it's better that…you never remember all these painful memories.<span>

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><p>He placed the glass back, sadly glancing over the kitchen that was too neat for his liking. He had never had such a neat kitchen before….when the real Alfred was here.<p>

Matthew quietly turned back into the corridor to go back to his room. That was when he heard the soft, plaintive cry that sliced through the night.

_Alfred! _Matthew immediately dashed over to his brother's room and rushed in, eyes desperately searching for his brother in the darkness. The bed was in a total mess and the bed sheets were strewn everywhere.

"Alfred!" Matthew gasped as he spotted his brother's shaking figure on the opposite side of the bed, bundled up in the heavy blanket. He all but flew over, dropping to his knees next to his brother's side and peeling the blanket off him.

Shock was painted all over Alfred's face as he clawed at his ears. "The voices; stop the voices!"

Matthew flinched. His heart sank. He knew he should have injected the final dosage sooner before things came to this stage but he had been too preoccupied with his work that he had delayed it as much as he could. Now his brother was paying the price for it.

"Alfred, Alfred! It's okay, Al, it's okay!" Matthew whispered into his brother's ears as he wrapped his arms tightly around the other's shaking self. "Calm down! Everything is okay…"

Matthew's hand slipped to his pocket, hesitantly feeling the cold icy touch of the syringe filled with the pitch black liquid. _Clarion._ He looked down at his brother as he curled up with the blanket, his eyelids flickering slightly as he slumbered peacefully. His brother had only calmed down a short while ago, before slipping into a deep sleep, exhausted.

Matthew's fingers tightened around the hard glass. _Soon…_ That hand trembled slightly. _Clarion…_Made from tiny ebony blossoms of a wild plant that was deceptively innocent in its simple appearance. Such miniscule blossoms, yet wielding such great power over the human brain…

The final dosage….

He should have never injected that drug into his brother in the first place. But without it…he probably could never have convinced Alfred to live on.

_I'm sorry; I'm too selfish and weak to live on in a world without you…_

So he had done that, committed the first gravest sin and wrapped himself in that dark web which he could never escape from now…

Every time his brother started to regain his memories….he would be forced to inject the drug again, and again, and again…till all his memories fell apart like shattered fragments of a smashed painting.

Would Alfred forget who he was now? After the first injection, that period had been the happiest time in his life. His brother had forgotten all that had come between them and the horror of the past few years, his thoughts being filled with his love for him and him only.

But that happiness had been fake and fleeting…

Soon, those terrible memories would start to return and Alfred would start questioning everything, leaving Matthew with no choice but to use the drug once again or risk his brother going crazy. But with every injection, Alfred forgot more and more of his memories. He had forgotten their love, forgotten their friendship, forgotten their brotherhood, forgotten all the times they had spent together…

With this…he would forget who Matthew even was. He would forget even himself.

Leaving Matthew to bear the burden of carrying all those precious memories alone. Surely, this was payment for his sins. Even so, he no longer had any choice now, ever since he made that selfish decision all those years ago to keep his brother with him. Holding back the fresh tears that threatened to spill over, Matthew swiftly pierced his brother's arm with the syringe and watched the obsidian slowly vanish.

The deed was done.

Matthew sighed and tore his reluctant eyes away from Alfred's peaceful sleeping face and placed the small wooden box he had taken from his room onto the neighbouring table.

"I promise that I would make your first memory a beautiful one…" He whispered as he leaned down to lightly kiss his brother's forehead.

"Alfred, I…"

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><p>"…<em>I love you."<em>

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><p>Alfred's eyes snapped open. He lay motionlessly on the bed, staring up at the strange ceiling. Where was he…? The memories flooded back into his head and he shot up, looking around wildly till he found his brother huddled under the covers next to him.<p>

"I see…" He smiled sadly at the slightly pained expression that Matthew wore even as he slumbered. He had seen it so many times, but it had never registered in his incomplete mind before. "So you did that…for me."

Alfred's hands tightened into fists as he gazed at his brother in silence. He almost wished that the other would wake up, so that he could see, for one last time, those beautiful azure eyes that were a mirror image of his own cerulean.

He couldn't take it. Bending down, he gently brushed his fingers against Matthew's soft cheek that radiated bittersweet warmth before lightly kissing his slumbering brother on the lips.

"I'm sorry…I always claimed to be the hero, but in the end I wasn't even strong enough to live on for you. You're stronger than you think, Mattie. I'm not the hero; you are…" Alfred whispered, knowing that Matthew would never hear his words. What was the point? He was just deluding himself…as always. Shaking his head at himself, Alfred reluctantly tore himself away from his brother. His eyes fell onto the used syringe gleaming in the moonlight on the bedside table.

A few drops of murky liquid still remained in the syringe. His eyes dimmed. Clarion…

"It's just as well that you do not know the flaw in the drug…" Alfred whispered, quietly putting the syringe back down on the table. Even if Clarion stripped away the memories of the user, before its final dosage erased every single memory, for a short moment in time…the user would be able to remember everything. _Before losing it all._

Alfred knew, of course. He had invented Clarion. He had made this drug.

He had _requested _it made. He had asked for the flaw to be left uncorrected, before entrusting the drug to his precious brother with a single hope.

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><p><em><strong>If one day, I wander too far and cannot come back…please remove all those memories from me, so that I will be always by your side.<strong>_

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><p>"In the end, I still couldn't live on for you….yet I couldn't give up this one moment to be with you either. You would call me selfish again; but I really am aren't I?" Alfred laughed bitterly to himself. "I wish you could hear this but I don't want to make it any more painful for you already."<p>

"Matthew, I…"

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><p>"…I love you"<p>

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><p>Matthew stirred as the bright light fell onto his eyes. He sat up, his fingers creeping to his lips, bewildered. It felt as if…he could feel the faintest traces of Alfred's warm kiss ghosting across his lips.<p>

What was he doing? Matthew shook his head at himself. That couldn't be possible. It was just his imagination. He turned and reached for the box he had placed on the table the previous night. Gently, he plucked the elegant blue rose blossom from the box.

How oddly fitting that the first flower he had managed to grow successfully would be the blue rose.

The sheets ruffled. Matthew jumped slightly, startled and then turned reluctantly to look at his brother who was already beginning to stir.

Alfred sat up slowly and looked around. His brother turned to him, the quizzical look that shone in those cerulean eyes that once gleamed with love pierced through Matthew's heart like a cruel razor.

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><p><em>Who…are you?<em>

My name is Matthew.

_Oh…I…Who am I?_

Alfred. Your name is Alfred.

_What…What is that in your hand?_

It's a rose, Al. A blue rose.

_It's beautiful…_

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><p><em>-fin-<em>

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><p><strong>AN: **

_99_

The number 9, in many cultures, is a symbol of perfection, since it is the largest single digit number.

_Blue Rose:_

The blue rose does not occur in nature due to genetic limitations. Still, humans have managed to create this mythical flower through dyeing white roses blue or genetic engineering.

The blue rose not only signifies something that is unnatural, but also signifies a never-ending quest for something that is impossible. In a Chinese folktale with the very name of "The Blue Rose", it further holds the meaning of hope against an unattainable love.

_Clarion:_

An advanced beta blocker drug that is black in colour and administered through injections. It removes one's memories to a certain extent depending on the dosage administered, starting from the newest memories. With successive administration of the drug, more and more of the subject's memories would be erased. However, once the subject has reached the first recorded memory, all memories would be completely lost. Prior to that point, the subject still has a chance of regaining his memories, although tests have shown that the gradual regain of memory, especially of traumatic ones, have been prone to drive test subjects suicidal and crazy.

_Luce:_

"Light" in Italian. A terrifying new technology used in the United States and other conquered/allied countries. It involves the implantation of a microchip in a person's mind, allowing them constant access to a global network operated by Mela Corporations. This enables instant communication, transmission of information amongst many other functions. Originally, it was propagated as the new medium of the new century, one that would further democracy, freedom and also increase productivity and economic activity in the United States to decrease the sky high rates of unemployment.


End file.
